I’ve not told this to many, but I once was at the verge of committing suicide.
I don’t clearly remember what led to it. Somewhere in my sixth or eighth standard I think I had gotten a C grade. I was fed up being hit and shouted at whenever I got low grades. I wanted to avenge.
When in the shower I decided to take out the bulb and touch the live terminals.
I think I even took out the bulb. But then it struck me that I would not be able see the fruits of my vengeance. I wanted to live to see the retribution hitting my parents. I, for that silly reason, decided to live and have by vengeance. Few years later I even told my mother that I almost did it. In a mocking way she asked why I didn’t. I told her my silly reason.
Behind the Happy Faces
This blog is not to vent my childhood anger. We have had our fights over the years and I have wept and grieved over my past.
I write this because most people when they see me, see this very optimistic, happy guy. And yes I am now at a better place because of all the grieving I did. But there might be someone around you who puts on a happy face and hides their pain. They might not even have it in them to reach out to you.
If anything, I hope this prompts you to reach out to your dear and near ones and just say hi. Even if you can check in with only one person, do that. And if you yourself are in pain, I hope you find it in you to reach out. You are not alone.
PS: What prompted me to write this was the recent death of the young Bollywood actor Sushant. I made the following video as a tribute, but mainly to release my own pain.